I don’t even know if I have ever written a Wilderness Wednesday blog since I began the daily blog thing, but today is definitely a day to do that…
I would have to say that I have been out in the wilderness lately because the Lord has been testing my humility through various situations and roles as a ministry assistant. You might ask why He do that to you? Or you might say, “Tam, you’re crazy to think He would do that to you!” But the reality is..He has and still is!
You know I sat through this banquet the other night that I was not officially invited to (yeah, sneaky sneaky!) and watch “my girls” get awards. That part was nice! But then came the humility check! Not one person mentioned me or thanked me or acknowledged me. Ok – so sounds kind of conceited now doesn’t it. HUMILITY CHECK! As I fought back the tears walking across the parking lot and I allowed all of the thoughts to run through my mind, I then in turn cried out to God asking for help to understand and embrace that testing of my faith! Why would that be the case? Well, for many of you know I take pictures for majority of the sports teams and I try to use that to reach into the lives of some of the athletes and the coaches too. I try to recruit other students to buy into the BUC SPIRIT and support the different teams, I personally attend many of them, and I take thousands of pictures! Even though I am not a fan of being called out and acknowledged in front a bunch of people I still had this desire to hear them call out my name and give some kind of praise. Don’t we all desire that? Anyway – the longer I prayed about it on the drive home the less the tears flowed. The Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and reassured me that its not about being recognized by administrators or others, but rather that I was seen by those the Lord wished for me to serve, the athletes! They see me when the others don’t.
Then I walk into several meetings this week and I feel like I walk out of them less informed and productive than before the meeting. The content of these meetings is not boring (to me) so I want to prepare and lead a lot of the times. I once again had a HUMILITY CHECK! I now know and sympathize with people of higher authority when they get into the mode of knowledge power. I use to get so frustrated when someone would pull the “PhD or MBA” card on me. Now I feel like I am in the same shoes to say to someone I have studied this area more than you so step out of the way and let ME lead. I know this would not be a good thing, but it is real feelings and thoughts.
And even still I can think of another moment when I was frustrated by the fact that some times I work my butt off and I never get acknowledged, but someone who breaks rules and has corrupt character gets talked about and acknowledged more! Isn’t that backwards, society?
Finally, I had a “reunion” with a girl I was mentoring back over the summer. I had to humble myself to sit before he and simply hear her heart for where the Lord has been leading her and also the struggles she’s had over the past couple of months. Even though that scared me upfront, I was so encouraged and excited at the same time when I walked away.
This HUMILITY CHECK has put me in a place that I have to stand alone…in the wilderness! I know and trust the Lord is right beside me, but it took me getting to this place to help me acknowledge these lessons!
