..Tam.Odom..

As the days go by this summer, I find myself becoming more and more relaxed away from the computer. I have not made it too far from a screen or entertainment, because I have been hooked on the Wii Fit and The Bachelorette (I’m pulling for ED, by the way).

I was talking to my best friend the other day and was telling her how I was just not motivated to write anything on the blog this week. I skipped the Thoughtful Tuesday and my favorite, Top Ten Thursday! She told me I needed to get over myself and blog something. To be honest with you, I feel like I have been on such a rollercoaster of thoughts and feelings in the past week. And some of the things I have battled, I am just not sure if I want many people to know about. Yes – I know this blog has been a way to be transparent before people, but this stuff just seemed to be conquering the purity of my mind and heart.

Some times it is hard to be completely transparent with everyone because it shows that I am weak and insecure. It is easy to talk about the fear of not being the right person for Women’s ministry at CSU. Some moments I get so excited because of the possibilities and how it is about time for them to focus on the majority. On the other hand, I believe my thoughts become captive to the deception of Satan telling me that its going to be overwhelming and I will not make anything worthwhile happen. I know that is not truth because I know things like, “my God will not give me more than I can bear..” Or “For every thing there is a season.” (Eccles. 3) And I know the Lord has given me the spiritual gifts needed to accomplish this mission, but it is some times so much easier to listen to the negativity. How about when you go home and people all want to know why you don’t have a boyfriend to show-n-tell! This gets touch after a while because as a female you just want to know you’re needed and wanted and loved! So with all of my other friends being married and looking to have kids, I stand out like a sore thumb. This is part of the struggles of mind though.

How do you keep the matters of the mind from infesting and conquering?

I am not sure how to keep the matters of the mind from taking over your very being when it begins to touch in with the matters that cause me to desire things that are not holy and pure. I know I keep saying that, but it is true. Its like they saw about the snowball effect – the more you are surrounded by negative influence of people or things, then you see it start with one and then no turning back. You will stand up with your head spinning…

Why is it important to talk about the temptations and struggles that you are facing?

The main reason you should speak up is for future accountability. If you never tell any one then you will never feel out of your comfort zone and will continue. I must admit that this is many times the hardest thing to do. I have a mentor who shows me unconditional love every time I talk to her. So why is it so hard to tell her some things? I believe we are all very much human and fear how people will think of us, what they will say or even what will they do.

On another note:

One thing that has been heart warming this week… the other day I was signed into Facebook and I got a message from Melissa’s name. Turns out that it was Hannah (7 yrs old) wanted to talk to me. After talking with her for a while, Melissa got on and told me that Hannah had to go outside and play and she would be able to talk to me later. I thought Melissa was with her the whole time, but that was not the case at all. So several times throughout the day she would sign on to Mel’s facebook and talk to me. How funny that she figured out how to log in and facebook chat with me. And then on top of that – She thinks I am super cool! I mean we almost share the same birthday so we have to be like BFFs, right?