*Side note: I am off on blogging daily! I am on a routine of blogging as my heart speaks. Keep checking back regularly.*
So the past three weeks have been one of those rollercoaster rides we some times get on and we enjoy it just a little bit, but we know we need to hop off the next time we come near that exit! That is where I am right now – waiting on the next stop to exit this rollercoaster ride. I’m not going to lie though, because I have passed up stepping off of the ride a couple of times when I had this stupid thought that I had control and I was just fine without getting off.
Everyone has their season when they feel out in the desert, or in the valley, and don’t know how to crawl out of the relaxed state-of-mind. You become comfortable with compromising your thoughts and actions. I blogged a couple of weeks ago about Matters of the Mind with similar heart issues. Yet isn’t it crazy how we find ourselves convinced that we are strong enough to handle things on our own if we could just get back on our two feet. So we struggle to allow God to stand us back up. And THEN complain when he tries to carry us the rest of the way. We are determined that we have supernatural powers to overcome!
Its true about what they say, ‘what you surround yourself with is what you tend to become.’ Its the same thing as Garbage in, Garbage out! I have to keep my blinders on some times because for me I struggle with self-image and self-worth.
Let’s take self-image for a moment… Physically, I am not your typical 27 year old in shape and size. To become the ‘average’ would take a lot of dedication and work. I am not against that, but I get frustrated that people have been taught and persuaded to this that you only date or befriend or serve people who are average or better. Who set this standard? It keeps someone like me who struggles with low self-esteem from thinking they are beautiful. Before you go off commenting me to combat that statement you must know that I know that God has made me beautiful. I know on the inside I am beautiful and a treasure for some lucky guy. I know these things.
Now that brings me to the self-worth issues. I know that I am beautiful through Christ Jesus and that He has great plans for me. Here is the catch…do I BELIEVE it and TRUST that God is going to take care of me. It was tough to hear the other day, but I was talking to Coach Kelly (aka DAD) the other day about the heartbreak I had been enduring since I found about about Matt. Of course, being ‘dad’ he said I just want someone who is God’s best for you and I want him to treat you with utmost respect. I responded to him saying, “I desire those things and I don’t want to compromise those.” He quickly sat straight up to tell me, “Throw desires out the window right now, you DESERVE those things and NOTHING less.” My worth to Christ is what allows me to DESERVE that kind of treatment.
How do you begin to trust in this promise? Well, it is kind of like I said before about what you put in is typically what begins to come out. Its like Lynette use to say to me all of the time, “We’re GOOD!” I would look at her and say, “YOU’RE CRAZY! You are NOT good – this place is CRAZY.” She just continued to tell herself that they we’re good to the point she believed it. Lately, I have been telling people when they ask what’s going on…”LIVING THE DREAM!” Eventually, you begin to believe that you’re enjoying life and you’re living a dream to reality. So next step, telling myself that I am WORTH God’s best and that I am beautiful because I have been made in His image and He is GOOD!
This isn’t all that I have to do. I have to make sure my friends, bosses, and mentors are reinforcing this same thing in my life. I have to stop being selfish and trying to do this all alone and step off the rollercoaster of emotions to allow others to embrace this walk I am walking!
Thank you to all of you who pray for me and who speak truth in to my life. I am in great debt to you.
