Time has been zoomin’ by these past couple of weeks for everyone. With a lot of things going on and having a long list of things to try to accomplish before the semester ends you could imagine that things get overlooked, people get irritable and some times we lose focus on our purpose.
The Lord has definitely been working on my heart in the last couple of weeks especially with my relationship with different people. I have been shown many of my flaws such as unrealistic expectations, selfishness and how inconsiderate I am. As I am reading this book, No Other Gods (K. Minter), I am learning that I tend to put so many people and expectations before God and that has become my god. We are all guilty of allowing things, people and emotions to control us to the point we lose focus on GOD and refocus ourselves on our gods.
As I was talking to Lynette the other day while we were cleaning I finally allowed the confession that I am not sure I am really ready for marriage or even a relationship because I have a lot of high expectations that are probably going to be unmet. I said it out loud which made it even more of a reality. So many times I find myself being pretty irrational with what I expect from people…and I don’t even mean just a boyfriend relationship, but from friends, co-workers, and others.
I am learning that I am a pretty selfish person too. As I have been working through Savannah leaving for Costa Rica next semester I have come to realize that I am very selfish with my time with her. Days keep flying by and I feel like I am not getting enough time with her to satisfy what I want (there again the unmet expectations).
Lastly, I have been so inconsiderate of the emotions and needs of those around me. Thanks for all of the prayers you guys lifted up on my behalf as I went home to visit my family. They are definitely some that I am most inconsiderate towards. I need to be forgiven for my cold heart. I also have realized that I spend so much money on things that I could have been spending to help cure someone’s disease or feed the kids for a week or something that is more eternal than what I chose to invest my money.
Any way, I just thought it was important to take a few minutes to confess my heart and the flaws in the heart. One thing that struck me this morning was someone on the radio said that their advice to someone was to follow their heart. Why do we think that is good advice IF the heart is deceitful. (Jer. 17:9 “The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?”) This is where we must be careful because when we follow the thing that is most deceitful then we tend to be more selfish and irrational.
Please pray for me in the coming days as I am trying to finish this semester out strong and run the race in such a way to win the race. (1 Corinthians 9:24)