If it were Simply Said Saturday, this blog might would say FREEDOM…or HEARTBROKEN….or FINALLY!

On the phone I hear…”Its going to be okay… it just wasn’t God’s best for you!” Or how about “God’s going to use this to minister to so many girls…you are just starting this Women’s Ministry!” Then there was “this is the first guy you opened your heart up to and its going to take GOD to heal you, but HE WILL!” These are the words that came from my mentor/big sister’s mouth on Monday night as I filled her in on what was going on. Don’t get me wrong – she is someone that I trust to provide comfort, understanding and TRUTH IN LOVE!  These words were not what I WANTED to hear, yet completely what I NEEDED to hear.

I feel a little crazy that it took me so long to see the answer to a question I asked a long time ago. No, I never got an answer from him. Some one once said, “No answer quite possibly could be THE answer!” Wow – Stupid me! I wish I could express more about what is really going on, but it just seems unnecessary if I can just express the lessons learned even more clearly!

Today as I started off a meeting with my boss, he said, “where should we begin?” I boldly replied, “With PRAYER! Prayer for me!” Being the wise and compassionate person that he is he began praying for me and our meeting. He followed it up with the fact that it is okay to hurt and be disappointed some times because that is a part of LIFE. Many times we think that it has to go great all of the time to be considered LIFE. But life actually incorporates the bad and even the ugly. Many people laugh when they ask me how I am doing and I respond with, “Living the DREAM!” I am living a dream, but the past few days seemed more like a nightmare. Does that every happen to you?

Lessons Learned:

1. I don’t want to be with a man who does not know how to communicate!

2. I want God to use this – HE will and already has been! Maybe I should write a WHAT NOT TO DO column on Relationships!

3. Just when you feel like you’re tough enough to face the battle alone, God provides people to bring you comfort, peace, encouragement, and LOVE.

4. It’s not about him! It’s not about ME! It is about GOD getting the glory.

Now – Don’t think that these lessons are fully learned or embraced! I just know this to be the truth so I have to cling to it. I know I will have good and bad days…but even those are numbered and known by GOD. One line of this song. HOW HE LOVES, comes to mind… “He is jealous for me…” Why the heck have I been running from HIM!

I have been reading The Blue Parakeet by Scot McKnight about Rethinking How You Read the Bible. Just in the beginning pages it talks about how we ‘retrieve and receive’ the truths of the Bible. McKnight says that the real question we must ask ourselves is “How, then, are we to live out the Bible today?”

One thing I have enjoyed so far about the book is that it says that God spoke to Paul during his time in Paul’s ways or Joseph in Joseph’s ways or Noah in Noah’s ways. Rest assured that He is going to speak to you and I right now in the present in OUR way! Does that mean that it changes the truth that God originally intended? Not if we look at it as the Great Tradition.  How can we live out the truth of the Bible right now through our anger and tears and joys?

It keep flipping back to the cover of the book…Rethinking! I just want to ask myself, What WAS my perspective of this situation? What is my perspective now that I am facing it? HOW am I going to live out the BIBLE through these circumstances. What are the good, the bad and the ugly in your LIFE? What do you view the world through?

The scientist views the world through a microscope.

The astrologist views the world through a telescope

My granny reads the world through a magnifying glass.

I prefer to view the world through my Canon 50D.

Thank you for all of your prayers and love and listening ears that all of you have been for me. I am excited to see where God is taking me. I know its going to be hard to just snap out of this…I will need some hands pushing and pulling me along the way…I am ready!

On Monday, the title of the devotional was When Life Isn’t Fair. It started out with Psalm 25:5, “Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in You.” It talked about a lady who from birth was dropped causing physical ailment throughout life where she had to walk with a cane bent over. Instead of being bitter she shined the light of Christ on those she came into contact with and commonly made the statement, “Isn’t Jesus sweet?” The end always has a prayer and it pierced my hear…Dear Lord, I confess that words “Isn’t Jesus Sweet?” are not the first ones our of my mouth when life seems more than I can bear…” I think about my friend who just found out that she has breast cancer. I have been reading her blog (http:warriorswearpink.blogspot.com) to find that she has more hope then I can possibly fathom having due to her circumstances.Pray for her as she is enduring surgery and what’s next during this week.

Another verse that has stuck out to me during this week’s devotionals was Philippians 4:4, “Always be full of JOY in the Lord. I say it again – rejoice!” You know it is so true what she said about how as Christians we respond to this verse by putting on a front and acting as though we are happy to rejoice in all of our circumstances. The truth is we aren’t really rejoicing in our hearts. Some people struggle to come to the realization that life is not a walk in the park….it is a “slugfest.” How do you perceive this verse? When she broke it down for me I will carry away a new appreciation for this verse…of course, I love the book of Philippians anyway. The verse above tells us that we should be full of joy IN THE LORD. Not in people, not in circumstances, but IN the LORD. What about the Lord should we find joy in…how about His peace, His power, and His very presence?

I was reading in the book Tribes by Seth Godin the other day about how Religion without FAITH will faulter. When everything is stripped away there is still faith and the religion simply emphasizes the belief in what or whom. I believe that Faith requires the quality of HOPE. So what do you have Faith (or HOPE) in? What do you HOPE to do to build God’s Kingdom today? Do you let people crush your HOPE in life?

I look to Jesus for my HOPE that one day I will stand face to face with my Creator.

I am a planner and like to be productive and today it just was not happening in the Elevate meeting. I was getting frustrated with not getting any where that I just shut out what they were talking about and went into another mode. Funny how it took us 45 minutes to get to a point we were ready to plan and then we put together a great working structure for the WHOLE school year…not just the Fall…in 15 minutes. I know – you’re probably thinking to yourself right now that this is not very thoughtful – oh but just wait!

Some of the topics we brought up for the Fall are centered on the Life of Jesus. That is so broad and I was getting irritated that we were not able to hammer out some details on what about His life or what about Him. We just were not able to get that. Then all of a sudden the ideas began to flow.

Clark asked us in the room… If you could describe Jesus in one word what would that one word be? For me, sovereign was the word that just slipped out of my mouth. I don’t know why because that is something I am still trying to wrap my mind around the sovereignty of Christ. Other words that came out in the room were Agape, Gracious, Savior. Then I took the time to ask some other people and they responded with Love and REAL. What one word sums up Jesus to you? Why?

Another question that was asked was what is the most impressionable image you have of Christ? Is it him hanging on a cross? Is it the words He said while on the cross? Is it the miracles He performed? What about the compassion and discipline he showed towards the disciples? One person said, ‘It is finished!’ Another one said, ‘Father forgive them…’ What about you?

After this meeting I had so many ideas floating in my head, but I think the main thing was the realization that I don’t know a lot of the Jesus that I serve and I should be trying to engulf all that I can get my hands on and my heart wrapped around. Lord help me to yearn to know YOU more! I feel so unworthy to be in His presence when I don’t always desire to be there. Thank goodness for God’s grace and compassion.

Today is a mark in my history because I was given a promotion in my job at Charleston Southern University. After four years of living the  student life and being involved with the mission of the campus, I took the position as Ministry Assistant in the Campus Ministries Department. Then at the end of six years of administrating, organizing, planning, managing, helping, serving, mentoring, designing, photographing, video editing, mailouts, cleaning up, setting up, running computers, making music mixes, and much more…I will now assume the responsibilities of Director of Women’s Ministry and Creative Arts.

Some say that this is long overdue for the amount of work I do. To me, it is a true blessing to see what God has brought me through to prepare me for this moment. So to rebutal others’ thoughts I would say that this is all God’s timing. No – I am not trying to be over spiritual about that, because I don’t know that 2 years ago I would have even been ready for such a thing. Because Satan loves to attack my thoughts and tell me that I am not competent to do the things set before me then I tend to doubt myself. It had come to a time when not only was God tugging at my heart for some kind of direction change. but He was confirming that through other people.

There were so many people who God used and I want to thank all of them. This is by far not all that has had a part in keeping my spirits up, my heart encouraged, spiritually accountable, and focused on the mission. I had people like Mrs. Joyce who would ask me to meet with girls that she wasn’t sure how to connect with but had concerns they were headed in the wrong direction. I had Mrs. Glenda who was always encouraging me that what I was doing with each girl one at a time was making a difference. Then there was Corey who has forever been my biggest fan and support. Or how about Ms. Mead who kept telling me how priceless my work and heart to serve was to the school and the students I was touching each day. There was Dr. Ratliff who always showed appreciation for every small work I would do for Student Services and always looking out to protect me. How about Danyel Bellush who was willing to allow me in to mentor and be a part of her volleyball program. Then my prayer warriors, Mrs. Jan and Mrs. Sherry, for praying me through the ups and downs of ministry. Definitely can’t forget all of my students who continously have been supportive, encouraging and the very reason I have opened my heart to continuing in ministry. But none of this would not have been a reality if it had not been for Clark, Dr. Rick and Dr. Hunter coming to the realization that there is a need to serve the 60% of our campus made up of women and the fact that millennials are image driven. Not only did they recognize the need the supported it but they took action. I am very thankful for them to go to bat for me and make sure a unrealistic change came about in such a short amount of time. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Now what does this mean? Well, this is where I don’t have much time to think things through, but I definitely need to be still and know that He is Lord. He is going to carry me through and continue to give me favor in the things He has called me to. Yes, the scripture that says he will not give you more than you can handle is a scripture I will cling to in the days ahead. It is all new uncharted territory for the university and for myself. How will things play out? Will the girls be receptive to me? What is the best way to reach the unreached? Who is the best person to chaplain the Women’s sports teams? Where will we go for the women’s retreat? How will I learn more about graphic design and web enhancement? Does this mean I get to do more photography? How many girls I will be able to mentor realistically? Yes – as you can see – I have a lot on my mind.

I will keep you posted on the things God lays on my heart to develop and grow Godly women on the campus of CSU. Thank you again for all of your support, prayers, love and encouraging words!

I have some things I have been thinking about lately. I have contemplated if I should share them. Since I think by making list I will follow my comfort and do the same here. Or in Baptist terms – a three point sermon works too!

1. Beautiful…because I am GOD’S! For the longest time I have always been so concerned with the outward beauty of myself and surrounding myself with pretty people. It has taken me a long time to get to a point where I took time and even opened my heart to see myself in light of the image I was created in. Does it not blow your mind that while you were in your mother’s womb He formed you,  before you were born Christ knew you, and he knows every intricate part of your life even how many hairs are on your head? How about that He knows your every thought, but still asks for you to come before the Lord with your requests.  (off target!) I have always heard people talk about how the guy who comes along should make you feel special and feel beautiful. I have never really felt that when I was around any one. Some how the Lord has opened my eyes and heart to see and feel this beauty through several really good guy friends. I don’t know how to really articulate it, but I know that the beauty of your character is what drives another person to express that to you. Guys like Corey and Joshua and Justin and Michael have made me realize the image I am truly representing.

2. Why do we leave God out? I was thinking about that after Clark came home from that Collegiate conference in TN back in May. He shared some points made by David Platt about how we’re all focused on the production that we forget to incorporate or acknowledge Christ in the matter. Why do we do that? How do we bring Him back to the center of everything we do? I believe we have to stay in constant prayer and deep rooted in the Word of GOD! As I begin a new year I want to keep that in mind and attempt to be more intentional in living out scripture.

3. I always said I was not a fighter. I read some blog updates by a friend of mine who just found out that she has breast cancer. Check out her blog http://warriorswearpink.blogspot.com. It might bring some tears out of you, but its also going to make you want to pick up some pink boxing gloves and enter the fight! I want to be a fighter like her. To know that she has breast cancer, but it does NOT have her. I want to know that I would have that much drive to fight off a disease like cancer or fight for the love of my life.

Do you have any thoughts or comments or suggestions to add? Please do!